Entrance Procession
Robert was carried by James, Gary, Ricky, Edward, Jack and Thomas
Followed by Wendy
"Praise You" Fatboy Slim
We've come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should
We've come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should
I have to praise you
I have to praise you
I have to praise you
I have to praise you like I should
Welcome & Opening Words
Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the Bierton Chapel, please now be seated.
We are here today to remember and to celebrate the life of Robert Anthony Dabinett, who leaves behind his loving wife Wendy, daughters Francesca and Eloise, brother Jim, nephews Gary, Ricky, Edward, Jack and Thomas. Robert also leaves behind his extended family, friends and colleagues.
My name is Dave Foster and it is a privilege, and an honour, to be asked to lead you through this remembrance service for Robert.
When someone is taken from us, as Robert was, in the prime of his life, at just 51 years of age, understandably we are not as comfortable with words and phrases that point towards a celebration of life. Inconsolable grief, anger, disbelief and overwhelming unfairness are feelings that you may associate with his premature passing that leaves you reeling in bewilderment and your lives turned upside down. But, hidden in all of the pain and sorrow that you feel, there is undeniably something to celebrate. You can celebrate the years you all had with Robert, sharing moments and forming memories together.
To each of you, who now need to find the courage to continue to face life, in the midst of this loss, take strength from those around you and comfort from those who love you.
Just because Robert has gone, it doesn’t mean that your memories of him have gone, so think about him often and remember the good times you shared.
A Fallen Limb by Deb Chitwood
A limb has fallen from the family tree.
I keep hearing a voice that says ‘grieve not for me’.
Remember the best times, the laughter, the song,
The good life lived while I was strong.
Continue my heritage, I’m counting on you.
Keep smiling and surely the sun will shine through.
My mind is at ease, my soul is at rest,
Remembering all, now I was truly blessed.
Continue traditions, no matter how small,
Go on with your life, don’t just stare at the wall.
I miss you all dearly, so keep up your chin,
Until the day comes when we’re together again.
Let us speak, and laugh together about the memories of Robert and all that he meant to us.
As a child Robert was always funny and larking around, bending the rules. For example, his teachers said, "no smoking cigarettes at school", so Robert turned up to school smoking a pipe!!
In the street where he lived, Manor Road in Hayes, there were around 20 kids and they would all play out in the street.
Robert enjoyed 'hedge hopping' jumping across all the hedges and running through front gardens - he did lots of fun but stupid things, such as playing ‘Starsky and Hutch’, from the top steps of the flats near his home - running down and bouncing off the doors - one old guy always tried to kick their butts as they ran past his door.
Robert’s family want today to be a celebration of his life, so let’s start our journey by inviting his daughter, Francesca, to the front, to read her tribute.
Francesca’s Tribute
What can I say about my Dad?
My Dad was kind
He was always the first to offer help if you were in trouble or needed some advice. Whether it be tips on how to survive a day in court, something car related, or anything in between – he was there. He taught me and my mum to drive. Although a bit more successfully with mum, as I still needed extra lessons! and he even drove down to Devon to give my cousin Jack a mock driving test when he was a DVSA examiner.
He bought me my flat where I have lived for the last four and a half years, and my cat Tigga, who he called his Grand-cat, always eagerly awaited his visits and used to love watching him build furniture with me. He even spent about three hours trying to get my current sofas up two flights of stairs.
Dad was incredibly house proud, he did the majority of the cooking and cleaning at home as Mum worked long hours, and he would do anything to help make her life easier and less stressful.
My Dad was funny as fuck
Everyone who I introduced to my dad has said the same thing – that he was one of the funniest people they have ever met. His constant sarcasm and dry sense of humour never failed to make us laugh. The day my mum had a “slight” accident in her car, where she flipped it upside down into a ditch, he arrived at the scene and said to everyone “You can’t park a car there like that!”.
Like Dads everywhere, he loved a good Dad joke. And if you repeated it nearly every day it was even better. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’d say “Mmm, dinner smells good!” To which he would respond “Thanks, I just farted.” Every. Single. Time.
When he worked for Burley’s in Leighton Buzzard, he and his friend Adam decided to pimp their ride and installed two train horns on their lorry that they called the Horns of Justice. They would pull up right next to a car where the driver was talking on their phone, and then let the outward facing Horns of Justice end that call. I once made the mistake of asking him for a lift home from town when I was feeling too lazy to walk back. Of course, he rocks up in the lorry – lights, horns blaring. Very embarrassing at the time, which he found hilarious of course.
I remember the time he went on a lad’s holiday to Portugal in June 2011 with his brother Jim, Gary, Ricky, Jordan and the Millars. He came back without his voice, and when asked how it was, he gave a thumbs up, a big grin and croaked out “It was really great”. And when he finally recovered his voice five days later, he was able to tell us about all the good times he had. Like accidently ruining a very serious game of lawn bowls by throwing his a bit too fast and it crashing it into the game next to his. Or when he lost his ball playing tennis, and was told to go find it like the naughty boy he was.
My Dad loved his family
I know that my dad loved us more than anything, and this was obvious in everything he did for us. He once said that the only tattoo he would ever get would be his three girls’ names across his heart.
A few years ago, me and Mum both moved to Bristol, I went to Uni and she was living there during the week due to work but returned home on the weekends. During this time Eloise and Dad spent their time together playing Resident Evil 6 – apparently the worst game in the series. They made the game enjoyable by just dicking around and beating each other up at the most inappropriate times. This was also around the time that they started doing the T-Rex arms, which soon caught on.
I could go on forever about all the things my Dad has done for me; from setting me up in the flat, to supporting me with any, and all problems I faced in life. I owe my ability to play pool to him, as we would regularly practice together. Even as his condition was getting worse, he still managed to win nearly every time.
The love between my parents was a force to be reckoned with. To say they are “couple goals" is an understatement. I have never seen two people so utterly devoted to each other, they truly are soulmates. So as hard as the rest of my lifetime is going to be without him, I find a lot of comfort in knowing that him and Mum will be reunited for all of eternity.
And now I would like to read a poem from Winnie the Pooh:
If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together,
There is something you must remember,
You are braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
And smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is,
Even if we’re apart,
I’ll always be with you.
————————————————————
Reflection
I understand that Robert was a very humble man. He was once asked “if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money”? and his reply was, “Nothing, I would share it with family and friends, so that they could all have good fortune”.
And that just about sums Robert up. He was very generous, kind, caring, compassionate and helpful. He was very much a family man, always putting Wendy and his girls first. He was a great Dad, but very much, a ‘soft touch’, where Francesca and Eloise were concerned. He was so very proud of his daughter’s achievements and all that they are yet to become.
Very much a people person and a team player. Robert would always be willing to help others, give advice – especially with Court related matters !! - and he was always generous with his time. Robert enjoyed entertaining people and also had fun while doing that.
Robert was very house proud and he always liked to keep things as clean and tidy as possible to make life easy for Wendy. Shopping and cooking with a meal ready when she came home from work after a long day and commute home from London.
Robert was also very caring, loving and romantic. The sort of modern man, who was not afraid to show his emotions and he also possessed a very strong sense of what was right and wrong. He was very patriotic, and Wendy is grateful that Robert experienced our exit from Europe.
Even though Robert like to joke around, he also respected how his Grandad, his Mother’s Father, was a Gentleman and he aspired to that image of being courteous and smart. There are comments on his Tribute page, which illustrate that others thought of him in this way - he would have been very proud of that.
Robert was a very funny man and was always up for a good laugh. He enjoyed the kind of slapstick comedy that performers such as Tommy Cooper and Lee Evans mastered, but Robert always knew when the time was right to be serious and, in this respect, he could judge his audience perfectly.
Which is very fortunate considering that he was a Magistrate, in Milton Keynes, for more than twelve years. A role that he particularly enjoyed and worked hard at, he was naturally both fair and empathetic.
Robert had a variety of jobs during his lifetime, many of which involved sales, driving and a driving test examiner. He worked for so many companies that he gained the nickname ‘Bob-a-Job’.
But Robert’s main priority was making Wendy and his girls happy. He often told Wendy that making her happy is what made him happy. Some of the fondest memories Wendy has, is the time that they spent together on their boat, ‘POSH Totty’, a motor cruiser that Robert loved sharing the enjoyment of with friends and family. Many people have commented that Wendy and Robert were true soulmates with a strong bond. They enjoyed a partnership relationship where they encouraged and supported each other wholeheartedly. Robert had always enjoyed going on holidays and taking the opportunity to indulge Wendy.
After his diagnosis of a brain tumour, in March 2018, Robert underwent a major operation, to remove the tumour he named ‘Dave’. However, he was told that the condition was life limiting.
So, Robert and Wendy decided to make the most of what time they had together, to live and enjoy, as full a life as possible. So, they went on as many holidays as possible to ‘make hay while the sunshines'; 6 weekends away, 8 overseas holidays and 4 cruises, which are memories that Wendy will treasure forever.
But things had unfortunately deteriorated, and in June 2019 Robert underwent a second operation. From August 2019 his health began to deteriorate much more rapidly. But nothing was going to stop Robert from enjoying life as he was still very much in the mindset of ‘live for today’.
Some of Robert’s happiest memories were;
Most special place - No Man's Fort, in the Solent, as it was so secluded and unique
Most exhilarating – the Spitfire flight with barrel rolls over Beachy Head
Most fun - Vegas baby !! - where Wendy and Robert renewed their vows for their 25th Wedding Anniversary on 6th June 2017, with 'Elvis' in the Wedding Chapel
At the beginning of December 2019 Robert confided in Wendy that he wanted to attend his own wake-party and she started to plan the arrangements.
At the beginning of this year Robert had many visitors come to see him at home before he passed away, close friends, family and his colleagues from DVSA.
Even in the last few weeks of his life, Robert still remained positive and was keen to try and live as normal a life as possible, and he yearned to return to the Magistrates Court.
However, Robert’s health deteriorated too rapidly for his ambitions to be achieved. He passed away at home, peacefully while asleep, on the 22nd February with Wendy by his side.
So, in alignment with Robert’s last wishes, his family and friends have all been invited to a great party this evening, in memory of his fun spirit and zest for life.
So, I ask you to think about what Robert meant to you.
We are now going to listen to a piece of reflective music and, whilst we listen, you might like to turn the pages of your memory, like a book and remember the good times that you shared with Robert. The song that his family have chosen for this reflective time is by Mumford and Sons and is aptly titled ‘I will wait’…
"I Will Wait" Mumford & Sons
Well, I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun
But I'll kneel down,
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down,
Know my ground
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So break my step
And relent
Well, you forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way shake the excess
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies
And I'll kneel down,
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down,
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
I would now like to invite Robert’s wife, Wendy, to the front, to share her words to Robert with us.
Wendy‘s Tribute
Lord Robert Anthony Dabinett JP - You
Then I dreamed of you:
I fell in love with you long before I knew you, before I knew your name, before I had seen you
I yearned for the essence of you, someone who was caring, thoughtful, strong and funny
I never really believed that I would meet you, or that I would find my soulmate
That was just a childhood dream – I longed for you then
Then I saw you:
I don’t remember the day I first saw you, it was in the summer holidays and I was about 10
I was at home and my classmate was calling out to me, teasing me, just as kids do
I looked out of the window and saw four other children, a girl and three boys
The little one was really cute, that was you – I was drawn to you then
Then I heard you:
Years passed by, and in May 1990 I met you at your cousin’s / my classmate’s birthday party
There was a spark, we were drawn to each other and chatted through the night, we just clicked
We discovered our paths had crossed many times, connections, similarities and shared experiences
I was besotted, and knew you were the type of person that my heart desired – I wanted you then
Then I lived with you:
Just seven months later we bought our home together, still there almost 30 years later
I remember the exact spot where you proposed to me, how you carried me over the threshold
Where our first child was set down in our home, and where our next child took her first steps
You did everything to make me happy, seeing me happy made you happy – I loved you then
Then I grew with you:
Over the years as we matured together, you gave so much and wanted little in return
Our love deepened, it was unconditional, as we supported and encouraged each other
We lived life to the full, making the most each moment and making hay while the sun shined
We had a rare bond that is stronger than time, and reaches beyond the stars – I cherished you then
Then I praised you:
We know our love is eternal, and our paths will continue to cross until we can be together again
You believe a life spirit cannot be dispelled, and the energy of life is like a ripple from Broken Stones
Forever radiating onwards and outwards until eternity, until I find you, so,
I praise you, I will wait for you, As I’ll be loving you always – and I’d choose you then
Now I will finish with an excerpt from Kiersten White - The Chaos of Stars:
I didn't fall in love with you.
I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way.
I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway.
And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality,
I'd find you and I'd choose you
————————————————————
“As” George Michael
As Around The Sun The Earth Know She's Revolving
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early may
Just as hate knows love's the cure
You can rest your mind assured that
I'll be loving you always
As now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow
But in passing will grow older everyday
Just as all that's born is new
You know what I say is true
That I'll be loving you always
Until the rainbow burns the stars out of the sky
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Until the day that 8 times 8 times 8 is 4
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Did you know that true love asks for nothing
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day
As today I know I'm living but tomorrow
Could make me the past
But that I mustn't fear
I know deep in my mind
The love of me I've left behind
Cause I'll be loving you always
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Until the day is night and night becomes the day
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away
Until the day that 8 times 8 times 8 is 4
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Did you know that true love asks for nothing?
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day
As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early may
For now I know deep in my mind
The love of me I've left behind
Cause I'll be loving you always
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Until the day is night and night becomes the day
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away
Until the day that 8 times 8 time 8 is 4
Until the day that is the day that are no more
The Dash by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning... to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars... the house... the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard; are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.
To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile... remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read, with your life's actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?
Committal
And so now, as we prepare to pay our respects to Robert and celebrate his life, it is a good time to remember that every life is unique, every person is individual and special in his or her own way.
Each life is created and lived in by each person in the best way they know how and that is how Robert lived his life.
So, we thank Robert, for the gift that he has been to each of us, for the richness of his personality, for the pleasure of love, laughter and tears that were shared together and knowing that we will forever hold him gently in our hearts.
Robert, your life we honour,
Your departure we have to accept,
And your memory we will cherish.
We are grateful for the life that you have lived.
We are privileged to have seen your face and feel the pressure of your hand.
We are honoured to have known you.
We grieve at your passing,
Yet we are grateful for your life and are privileged to have shared it with you,
We release your body to its natural end.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, where all life comes from and to which all life will return.
Closing Words
We are now coming to the close of this service of remembrance for Robert.
As we ready ourselves to leave the chapel, take comfort in the fact that Robert’s spirit lives on, around you and within you. Talk about him often and keep his memory alive in your hearts and minds.
At this time of sadness, it is my hope that you will always remember Robert with both love and affection.
May you find strength and support for one another and may each of you take comfort in the fact that you were a part of his life and that he was a part of yours and, it is my wish, that your tears of grief will subside overtime, allowing you to smile at the memories and the times you spent with Robert.
"Broken Stones" Paul Weller
Like pebbles on a beach
Kicked around, displaced by feet
Oh, like broken stones - they're all trying to get home.
Like a loser's reach
Too slow and short to hit the peaks
Yeah, so lost and alone - they're trying to get home.
As another piece shatters
Another little bit gets lost
What else truly matters - at such a cost?
Like a loser's reach -
Too slow and short to hit the peaks
Yeah, so lost and alone - (like broken stones) they're all trying to get home.
(Yeah, you are)
And another piece shatters
Another little bit gets lost
Tell me what else really matters - at such a cost?
Like pebbles on a beach
Kicked around, displaced by feet
Oh, like broken stones - they're all trying to get home.
Like a loser's reach
Too slow and short to hit the peaks
Yeah, so lost and alone - they're trying to get home.
Trying to get home, trying to get home,
Like broken stones, they're all trying to get home.